Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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