when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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