the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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