I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
