I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
