His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
