Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
