Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
