Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
