yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
