I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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