Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
