i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
