she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
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Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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