He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize