look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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