thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
