some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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