FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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