It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.