to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
