In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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