I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
