Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
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