I think im going to throw up on grandma
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
