Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
