The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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