i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
