She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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