alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Everclear isn't food dammit
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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