i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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