i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
