the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
