I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
