I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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