you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
