Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
