sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
"it" just moved
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
