I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My penis needs a shock collar
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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