11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
