I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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