drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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