I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
