I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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