would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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