i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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