I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
