WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
