someone owes me an orgasm
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
