people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
