She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
