tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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