Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
