Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
