At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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