have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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