I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
