he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
