i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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