went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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