Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
