Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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