We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
