he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
