That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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