I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
