So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
