I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
